Creative Writing Exercise #4

A DIALOGUE OF TWO DONALDS

(a fictive dialogue starting from a real political speech[i])

by Laura Lai/ Uncategorized

Scene: Donald Trump (DT) and his youngest son on a sofa preparing to watch on a big TV screen the American Super Bowl. They are enjoying a McDonald’s menu. The announcer quickly informs that the beginning of the Super Bowl is delayed because a top European leader has a message for America and its Commander in Chief… 

SON (worried). Dad, what is this? What do they want from you?

DT (surprised). I don’t know. A message for America?! I hope it’s important…

           ‘…I would like to address President Trump directly, who for long time has been criticizing  Europe almost daily for, in his view, insufficient contributions to the common defense capabilities, and for living off the US.

            Dear President Trump: America does not have, and will not have a better ally than Europe. Today Europeans spend on defense many times more than Russia, and as much as China. And I think you can have no doubt, Mr. President, that this is an investment in common American and European defense and security, which can’t be said with confidence about Russian and Chinese spending.’

(Whistles on the stadium particularly from Russian and Chinese spectators)

            ‘I would therefore have two remarks here.’

DT (slightly irritated). Go ahead! Can’t wait!

            ‘First of all, dear America, appreciate your allies, after all you don’t have that many.’

(Whistles on the stadium from all spectators)

            ‘And dear Europe, spend more on your defense because everyone respects an ally that is well-prepared and equipped. Money is important, but genuine solidarity is even more important…’

SON (commuting the TV on MUTE, nervous). Who’s this?

DT. He’s Donald Tusk, one of EU’s Presidents.

SON (laughing). One of the presidents?! The Europeans may have their Donald, too, but, you dad, you’re the original one!

DT. (giving his son a hug). I love you, son!

SON. What was this all about?

DT. You know, my son, he makes this speech as the President of the European Debtors Union to NATO, who are not playing by the rules and are not contributing with 2% of their GDP to NATO and keep on expecting that the American tax payers will keep on contributing for them, but America will no longer foot the bill, while some of them shirk from their obligations. (intrigued) Ironically, they think that somehow I'm the bad guy in this story!

SON (curious). But we appreciate our allies, right?

DT. Of course we are! And that is the reason we are respected for! But America and the American tax payers would appreciate them even more, if they would play by the rules.

SON (joyful). Like in the Super Bowl! They all follow the same rules.

DT. Exactly! What’s the point of having 27 European allies if the American tax payers need to cover for more or less 20 of them?! You see what I mean?

SON (nods). We, Americans, appreciate the quality not the quantity! What are you going to do next?

DT. What do you think that I will do next?

SON. A press conference! (Pause) Come on, dad! One thing I’m sure: (DT listens curiously what his son is sure about) You’re not going to interrupt any European football finals to give a reply.

DT. What’s their next European football finals?

SON. The up-coming one is the Europa League, but the best is coming after and is the Champions League.

DT. Really?! I may be considering the latter: I only played and scored in the League of the Champions. What do you say?

SON. I say that you’re my champion dad, no matter what they say. And I say that as I know you, you’ll make a press conference.

DT (smiling). Is mom joining us for the Super Bowl?

SON (commuting the TV on UNMUTE). At the second half. She needs to finish something on ‘Be Best’ campaign.

DT. Excellent! It's never too late! Then may the best win!

(The Super Bowl begins)

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[i] If any of the characters in this sketch feels offended, I would like to apologize in advance.