Creative Writing Exercise # 11: On the Edge of a Ditch

by Laura Lai/Uncategorized

ON THE EDGE OF A DITCH[i]

(Scene: In front of Downing Street No.10, Jeremy Corbyn digging a ditch, Boris Johnson coming on bike, and Larry – the cat)

Boris Johnson (parking his bike). Good morning, Jeremy!

Jeremy Corbyn (digging). Good morning to you, too, Boris!

B.J. (on the edge of the ditch). What’s the digging for?! Trying new skills?

J.C. (keeps digging). I’m digging a ditch.

B.J. I can see that. Is it for me?

J.C. (keeps digging).

B.J. Not too deep though. Only until January.

J. C. (digs no more). Indeed, it’s deep enough.

B.J. Unless… up to here (he points at random in the ditch) was the ditch until June, then until October, then… (bending) until January. It’s deep! You’re digging a ditch for all Tories, aren’t you?

J.C. Why would I dig a ditch for all Tories? Some of them are on my side!

B.J. Auch! That hurts!

J.C. Sorry! But you know how things stand.

B.J. And you dig such a deep ditch only for me? Come on, Jeremy! I didn’t mean it literally. We are both politicians and you know that I can’t say that I’ll try, but we need to be firm.

J.C. I don’t dig this deep ditch either for you or for the Tories, but for Brexit!

B.J. (relieved). Excellent! I actually agree with you!

J.C. (surprised). You do?!

B.J. (firm). I believe that the referendum on Brexit was a seed of democracy in the European Union. Burry it! And it will germinate, it will grow higher and it will blossom even more beautifully than before!

J.C. (putting his shovel away). I’ll see you in the House, Mr. Prime Minister. (He exits)

B.J. (loud). I’ll join you soon! (alone) Kitty-kitty! Larry! Kitty-kitty! Come here!

LARRY (comes).

B. J. Here you are! Come on in! There is breakfast for you: Steak of meat imported from Germany with British eggs.

LARRY. Miau! Miau! (it makes few steps away)

B.J. Kitty-kitty! What’s this protest for? Did you become vegetarian over night? All right, I’m sure we can find some British fish sticks imported from the European Union with some seeds on top.

(Boris Johnson and Larry enter Downing Street No. 10)

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[i] If any of the characters feel offended, I would like to apologize in advance (including to Larry – the cat!).